Until Today
by lurv2boogie
Summary: To Harry Potter, Platform 9 ¾ was the place that separated his misery from his freedom. But today, something was missing. A short, solemn fic about Harry’s thoughts on returning to Hogwarts. Oneshot, postfinal battle, discusses character death.


**Disclaimer: No owning of HP here. Or any other characters. **

**ENJOY!

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Platform 9 ¾ seemed to possess an inscrutable air of familiarity to Harry Potter. Whenever he was there, he marvelled at the fact that despite the cacophony of shouts around him, there was never a moment when he felt uncomfortable. There had never been a time when he felt like he didn't belong there, like he wasn't supposed to be at that platform at that very moment. It was as though whenever he stood, watching various witches and wizards boarding the Hogwarts Express, he had reached a recurring point in his life when all ends had been simultaneously tied up – it was unfortunate that after he arrived at Hogwarts those ends invariably seemed to become unravelled again. Platform 9 ¾ was the place that separated his misery of the Muggle world from his freedoms of the Magical world.

Until today.

For some unfathomable reason, he just didn't feel it. The platform still held the same number of excited students racing to the train, still echoed with disorder as parents shouted their goodbyes. He was surrounded by the same crowd – Hermione Granger and the various Weasleys – but something was off. Something was missing. As he pondered this, he felt a tug at his sleeve. He turned to find Hermione talking at him.

"… and you'll need to get your things together." She finished. Harry looked at her, confused.

"Sorry?"

"The train is about to leave!" Hermione told him. Harry nodded, seeing the urgency in her eyes. He knew very well what was going through her mind. She needed to be back on the train. She had missed it last year, and now she wanted to feel as though nothing had changed. But it had changed. Everything was different.

He watched with little interest as Ginny kissed her mother goodbye and headed towards the train, promising to meet the other three later. Mrs Weasley bade goodbye to Hermione before turning to Harry with her eyes cast towards the ground.

"Have a good year, won't you, Harry?" She said, and Harry heard her voice catch on his name.

"I will, Mrs Weasley. We'll write toyou." He shook Mr Weasley's hand, and felt the older man's grip slacken with his own. With a final nod, he made his way through the crowds with Hermione and onto the train, where he found Ginny waiting for them. They found an empty apartment, sitting down heavily on the soft seats and staring blankly out of the window. Ginny stood and closed the compartment door quickly, instantly blocking out the disorder that thudded from all directions. Hermione sighed, her breath catching in her throat.

"I wish Ron were here," she said, and immediately looked as though she regretted it. "Everything seems wrong, don't you think?" she asked, and though the question was said to the room at large, it was obviously more directed at Harry than Ginny.

As Harry thought, he suddenly realised what had been missing. It was the knot in his stomach that always seemed to present itself during his trip to Hogwarts – the worry of what would happen during the year that plagued every waking thought and every sleepy dream. Before, he had worried about Voldemort. Now, he didn't need to. Voldemort was gone. Destroyed. But Harry knew in his heart that Voldemort would never truly leave him alone, until the day he died. Harry shuddered inwardly at the word 'died'.

It disgusted him to know that he missed that knot, because, in a perverse way, it was safe. He felt secure to know that he had that knot to rely on, that it would always be there. But now, that knot was gone, and all he had left were the vivid memories of Ron's broken body being found at Grimmauld Place on the day of the Final Battle. He didn't want those memories anymore. He couldn't have them anymore.

But at the same time, there was something new. A new comfort. It was the realisation that, while the knot may have made him feel secure by himself, the memories of Ron could be shared between the three of them.

And on that cold day, during the last trip to Hogwarts that the three of them would experience, they talked freely, and with fewer tears, of their lost friend.

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A/N: Don't know exactly why I wrote that, just felt like it I suppose. :) Anyway, please review, let me know what you think! 


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